A Strange Anniversary, and Water Fries My Nervous System

October 15, 1999: a very weird combination of Independence Day and its exact opposite, for me. I finally escaped dependence on a family (an insane father mostly) who didn't accept this condition, only to end up with no family, a bare-subsistence income, and no physical help, very much an out-of-the-frying-pan-into-the-fire situation. I'm still living in that frying pan.

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Update: I was right to be terrified of my next shower-- it blasted my nervous system much worse. This comes right when I have a mounting dehydration problem, which I passed out from once. I can't avoid water. Who knows, maybe I'm even reacting to chemicals in the water in the fruit juice. Anyway, I can't avoid washing, and splashing my eyes to hydrate them. Only this Mountain Valley brand that I seem to be reacting to, which I've had delivered for 20 years, is in glass. I have to avoid any liquid in plastic, so I can't just order another brand.

Along with more severe current, there's near-overwhelming exhaustion and more mental lethargy. This lasts indefinitely after each shower, so there's never a point when it wears off. I had to take the taxi both ways to get food Wednesday, and still, the struggle from carrying five bags up one flight of stairs made this the hardest grocery trip yet.... and I walked across town first with all the other trips. I had to leave the store early this time, knowing I wasn't getting most needed things.

I bought a little bottled water (other brands) from the store in glass, and am rationing it. I'm drinking fruit juice, a lot of it, I have to to survive. I like to think this will pass if I somehow manage to think of any and all contributing factors and avoid them, but guess what.... I can't think. I will never be able to give a good description of what my system feels like right now, as I type this. It's horrible.

Negative results from the cardiologist's untrasound and the ENT doctor's scan. The only day I felt better at all recently was after a walk across town and a sudden, unexpected better-air day (before the water problem started). Maybe I need to force myself to walk no matter how exhausted, to get the building's toxic air out thoroughly, but it's counter-productive with bad pollution.

I'm half amazed I put together a coherent entry here tonight.